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Old 01-05-2002, 07:34 AM
Wild Romanian Wild Romanian is offline
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Ohio,USA
Posts: 328
How to start a gun store and get rich fast

Are you tired of the same old dead end job. Fed up with having to put up everday with a boss you cannot stand. Tired of making very little money in a boring dead end job.

Have you often thought how great it would be to own a gun shop and spend the entire day talking about your favorite hobby and at the same time raking in huge amounts of cash and in the process learn how to make life long enemies and learn how to leave town as fast as a speeding bullet. Today may be your lucky day if your read on a bit further.

Here is how I did it. And I will take you step by step with several easy lessons.

Step 1 Finding a place for buisness

You must find a place of buisness where the rent will be rather low since you are first starting out with little or no cash. Even if you are in an unfamiliar town it is easy to do. Simply drive through the rougher section of town about sundown with the windows rolled down and listen for low caliber pistol shots ringing out and multitudes of stray bullets ricocheting off the sides of decaying buildings. The number of richochets vary inversely with the price of the rent.

Step 2. Advertisement

You must lure the customers in so you need to find a cheap gun to give away on opening day. The best source is a publication that all gun lovers order out of that deals in military firearms. If memory serves me right I believe the title may be Shotgun Deals or maybe it was Shotgun Trades or maybe Shotgun Blaster, Oh hell you know which one I am talking about.

You know the publication that offers once in a life time deals on a collectors dream come true. Basically the gun you will recieve will be borderline furnace scrap and have a layer of rust all over it and have few parts missing as well as a beat up and cracked stock. But do not despair simply fill in the holes where the missing parts were with putty and cover the dirty stock and rusty metal with lots of cosmoline.

The shrewd gun shop owner should never ever pay extra for select condition because you will basically receive a junker that was randomly picked from a huge pile of other junkers.

Step 3 Opening day

When opening day comes you will want your customers to handle as many of your wares as possible to stimulate the buying fever. How is this done. Simple. Ever notice how customers often jack open the slide of an automatic pistol and look up the barrel. What you must do is this. Put small transparent circular pictures of girls in bikinis inside the barrels of all of your pistols and this will ensure that everyone will be sure to look at all your pistols. After all the talk of women has subsided the only thing left to talk about that men are aware of is pistols of course.

Step 4. Making a sale in spite of the customers wife

After giving the customer all the good points of his weapon of choice you will know by his body language wether he is serious about making a purchase. He will probably tell you that he would love to buy this weapon but that if he does his wife will find out and then use the gun on him.

You must now appear to be very sympathetic , maybe even putting your had on his shoulder and telling him that it is such a shame to pass up such a deal on such a desirable and scarce weapon especially since you do not charge five times what it is worth like your competitors do ( you only charge 4 1/2 times what it is worth). Now your customer is really dejected and full of hopelessness and despair.

But wait! you say. You tell him you have a plan like no other gun store has ever come up with or even dared contemplate. You tell him he can buy the gun and his wife will never find out. He then asks you how this could be done.

You tell him to look out the window at the college kid that is polishing his expensive sports car. The kid that is wearing those expensive cloths. You tell him that the kid used to be rich untill he spent all of his parents money and the shock of bankruptcy drove them all to suicide and now he has to work to make his tuition through a work study program in acting. Now the customer is really confused.

What the hell , he says has all this got to do with me buying a pistol. Well, you say, its like this. The kid not only needs an education in school but some real life acting experience so here is what we will do. I will send the kid to your house with your new gun but I will put the pistol in an old beat up gun rug. When the kid meets your wife he will tell her that he is returning a weapon that you were kind enough to loan him because his broke during the Camp Perry match season and being that he is a poor college kid he could not buy another or even afford to fix his own. Now he is returning it and is forever grateful.

Yes, says your customer but my wife is the suspicious kind that would look inside the pistol rug and she would see that it is a new gun. Now comes your finest moment. You smile, your eyes narrow , you cross your arms and give a facial expression just like Mussolini used to do when he had the crowd in the palm of his hand and say " Son, I way able to stay single all my life because I figured out how women think a long time ago. For a small additional price of $50.00 I will take some steel wool and rub off some of the bluing on your new gun, dirty up the stocks a bit, pour a little salt water on the barrel and then using my most precision gunsmithing tool (a pare of channel lock vise grips) bend the front sight off center slightly.

By now your customer is getting weak in the knees and holding on to the counter with both hands while he has the dry heaves. Calm down you tell him. When that little Bit, oops I mean little sweet lady of yours goes to the grocery store you can run the gun back down to me and for an additional $100 I can reblue the entire weapon good as new.

Step 5. Defeating the wife that always accompanies her husband everywere

Every once in awhile you get one of those women who never let their husband out of their sight. How do you make a sale to one of these couples. Simple. Green Stamps. Many women go nuts over collecting green stamps. Here is an example of one of my sales.

I told the woman that for every pistol sold it gave her enough green stamps to fill an entire book and when she filled a book she could have her pick of some 1950's antiques. She then demanded that her husband pick out a handgun and when he hesitated because he was not sure what he wanted she impatiently picked one out for him.

Seeing her eyeing a rare "T" series high power I flipped over the tag and changed the price from $750 to $1400. The husband went into deep shock and a mild cartiac arrest and then started to protest about the price. But his wife then coyly reminded him that it was Saturday night and that he would not get what he was expecting that night if she got upset. The man then knew he was outfoxed, outmaneuvered and outgunned and bought the gun.

She picked out a jar of 1950's Pond's Cold Cream, but alas, it was all dried up. I told her it could be rejuvinated by buying and using in equal proportions a mixture of Hope's No. 9, Break Free and Molly Grease. She called me later that day and said it worked fine but that her jaw had gone numb and that she could only talk very slowly. I told her that her husband would like this very much and love her twice as much.

Oh well you cannot win them all. Just another day at the gun store. W.R.

Last edited by Wild Romanian; 01-05-2002 at 08:24 AM.
Old 01-05-2002, 08:41 AM
Double Naught Spy Double Naught Spy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Horn Hill, Texas
Posts: 3,476
Oh, if only it were that easy! The general concepts you describe sound good, but the actual task of starting a new business goes way beyond what you have described. What you described is what a lot of people think in regards to what it would take to make it work.

A comparable analogy for raising kids would say all that you need to do is give them a good home and love them and your family will do great. Of course, the complexities go way beyond that.
Old 01-05-2002, 10:41 AM
Orion Orion is offline
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Columbus, Ohio Go Bucks!
Age: 49
Posts: 1,314
You mean I'm supposed to love MY kids???!!!???
It was like this when I got here.
Old 01-05-2002, 04:36 PM
BrianMajors BrianMajors is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Durham, NC, USA
Posts: 5,062
I've already found my location! Anybody got dibs on South Central L.A.?
Rest in Peace, John Forsyth and Lou Alessi. I'm sure you both are smiling down upon us.

Phineas Edgar Horton, Oct. 22, 1932-Nov. 16, 2009. My Father in Law, who always treated me as his own son, you will be sorely missed.
Old 01-07-2002, 12:23 PM
RANash RANash is offline
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Fairfield, CA, USA
Posts: 354
Keep it up WR and you'll soon be the Dave Berry of the gun world! I loved it!
Old 01-07-2002, 04:05 PM
P7 P7 is offline
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Posts: 1,641
Dave Barry.....
Old 09-29-2004, 10:27 AM
JTWard JTWard is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 922
Originally Posted by BrianMajors
I've already found my location! Anybody got dibs on South Central L.A.?
Anyone know how to cut sight dovetails on the side of the slide?
Old 09-29-2004, 11:01 AM
Lysander Lysander is offline
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by JTWard
Anyone know how to cut sight dovetails on the side of the slide?

First lesson in "Birdman's Ghetto Armourer" Class.

"Yes, we did produce a near-perfect republic. But will they keep it? Or will they, in the enjoyment of plenty, lose the memory of freedom? Material abundance without character is the path of destruction." -Thomas Jefferson
Old 09-29-2004, 06:37 PM
2TransAms's Avatar
2TransAms 2TransAms is offline
Hold my beer & watch this
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: IL by St Louis
Age: 36
Posts: 5,577
LOL that's awesome! My friend took a little white gangsta to the range with him,the kid fired the Glock sideways.He honestly thought that's how it was fired! He was set straight very quickly,and also mocked accordingly.
Old 09-30-2004, 09:05 AM
Robert_Barns Robert_Barns is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 721
Quentin Tarantino did reaserch on the ''getto style'' hold.He traced it back to ''Lethal Weapon''.The actors and stuntmen didn't like getting hit in the face with hot brass from the guy standing to the left of him.So someone came up with the side ways hold to have the brass go up and not hit anyone.Someone from the hood,saw this and thought it was a great way to shoot.The rest is history,thought you might enjoy that.Hope this helps!
I aplogize to all who have had to suffer through some of my inane commentary from time to time. I realize now that this is a gun forum requiring a higher level of maturity. Thanks to all that brought it to my attention.
Old 02-17-2005, 04:43 PM
scuuup scuuup is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 99
That Easy Heh?

o k and were in all this dose the posession of a valid FFL?
Old 02-17-2005, 04:46 PM
scuuup scuuup is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 99
Dude green stamps went out at least 30 years ago and probably another 15 years before that when they were somewhat popular heck maby the 50 early 60s good god what histry books are you reading.
Old 02-17-2005, 05:27 PM
dsk's Avatar
dsk dsk is offline
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 58,027
Guys, please do not reply to ancient posts.
Avoid the temptation to replace everything on your brand-new 1911 just to make it "better". Know what you're changing out and why. You may spend a lot of money fixing things that weren't broken to begin with. Shoot at least 500 rounds through it first, then decide what you don't like and want to improve. Regarding vintage 1911s, pre-1946 pistols are highly collectible in original, unaltered condition and should NEVER be refinished or modified as it completely ruins their monetary value.
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