Wife/Spouse Not Bought In?

[IceJester]

Bullet,

You poor bastard. I'm almost certain you already get as much unsolicited advice as you can tolerate. There's nothing more difficult to deal with than irrational fear.

Good luck sir.

[Red Dirt Dave]

I dated several young ladies before I met my wife. If they showed disdain or repugnance to any of the reasonable, lawful, moral things that I was interested in (and they refused to change their mind with reasoning) they were simply not for me! (despite how gorgeous they might be on the outside)

To me, the choice of a wife is a choice for life!

I am fortunate, and I chose wisely. My wife of 37 years is from a family where firearms were common, if not commonly used. (Law Enforcement and Corrections)

But she had never shot a firearm before I took her to the range on a date. She had FUN! She also took to hunting! She is also still HOT!

Because her Father was a Corrections Officer she also knew that there are some VERY bad people creeping the earth among us.

I feel for those of you who may have chosen your wife "poorly"

I invite you take her to Norf' Tulsa for a pleasant evening's drive. She may see your need to protect yourself, and her, in a new light. (if you make it out)

The only downside is the occasional "lightening of the wallet" to buy her a new firearm that caught her fancy. I'll take that any day.

[JerryM]

Originally Posted by master gunner

Yes there is, I love my rights and weapons.


Also love my wife.

Not to mention my dogs.


Worked out rather well for me.

I note that you listed your rights and weapons before your wife.
Jerry

[johnbrowning1911]

My wife of 37 years is from a family where firearms were common

Neither my wife of 37 years nor I had any exposure to firearms prior to about 9 months ago. I mentioned to her csaually one day that I was concerned about our safety as a result of a home invasion/murder in the next town to us and asked if she had any objection to my buying and learning how to use a handgun. To my (huge) surprise, she said she had no objection, and in fact, she wanted to learn too. So a few months later we both have concealed carry permits and are pursuing a series of training couses at Sig Academy. She likes the courses and has made great progress in a short time. I doubt that shooting will become a primary interest for her as it has for me, but I am very pleased with her receptiveness to take on something very new and different (and for her a bit scary) and commit the time to learn.

[pleasant1911]

I have a wife who is totally against guns... she hate the fact i carry for my business purposes, but she became more understanding. she did not know i applied for CCW permit until she saw the application fee check go through our bank account. she was upset because i have a six year old kid from my previous, and our newborn in the house.
i told her it was for my business. and that i told her it would not affect the house, and if it does i will get rid of it. year later, I dont make it a big deal out of me carrying so she doesnt either. I dont talk about it with her, dont do anything regarding my permit with her. you have to be safe and put it in a safe, when not carrying it. I had to do it the hard way, but now its a real anal routine i do, and i have my wife to thank for my increase safety. I was the the guy to put the gun in holster, on the coffee table becasue it was just me and my wife and our newborn, bc i would think it would be okay because it was just us, but now i put it away in my spot right away.

the thing is, for your wife sakes, show her that you have a valid reason for you to carry. You have to get involved. show her and try to educate her in why you need it. some women will see your point and other will not, not even for a minute, and then just drop the whole subject forever!!!

I am now in the process of explaining , why i am spending most of my free hours casting bullets, all while there is a newborn waiting to play with me in the house. try to explain controlloing lead poision and not spending away our kids college fund on casting to a wife who is against guns...its possible

[El Zilcho]

Originally Posted by bullet45acp

It seems most of you guys have it good, or better than me.
When I got married, the wife agreed to let me keep my guns in the house.
After we moved in, she changed her mind.
She does not understand anything about guns or CCW.
More importantly she is totally closed minded to the subject

Discussions of such things with her just lead to an emotional battle on her side, and logic on mine. I never win, logic can't beat emotion.

As far as she is concerned there are no guns in the house or on my person.
Lets just say, that may or may not be true.

It is also safe to assume that her change of plans has cost me money and aggravation, it is a huge sore spot in our marriage and will someday lead to its downfall.

My advice, only marry a card carrying member of the NRA, or never get married.

JAG

Ouch!

[master gunner]

Originally Posted by JerryM

I note that you listed your rights and weapons before your wife.
Jerry

Duty, Honor, Country.

[monadh]

Good for you top.

[monadh]

Originally Posted by JerryM

I note that you listed your rights and weapons before your wife.
Jerry

Jerry, I am a little lost as to the point you are insinuating. Would you please expound on your statement and the reasons you have for taking note of someone else's priorities?

[master gunner]

Originally Posted by monadh

Jerry, I am a little lost as to the point you are insinuating. Would you please expound on your statement and the reasons you have for taking note of someone else's priorities?

He’s a marriage counselor trying to drum up business.

[TracerBullet]

We have more than enough problems with an unfriendly, anti-gun government to waste time arguing amongst ourselves about the relative health of one another's marriage. There is nothing easy about marriage for most of us and however we all make it work should be our business alone.

As for the OP's questions, I wish I had something to add, but my own circumstances were entirely different from what you are experiencing. Early in my own marriage, I got a job as a detective and my new wife quickly became accustomed to seeing a group of guys sitting around the kitchen table cleaning guns and talking about the relative merits of loads. She saw guns as just another part of the job.

The Big Girl has had a CPL for 20 years or so and has no issues with guns whatsoever. In fact, most of her family now carries a gun at least part of the time, per her example.

[HungrySeagull]

Wife was a difficult case.

I finally timed it right and had her in the concealed class. Instructor told them "Aim here"

Well, "Here" became 5 holes about a inch or less across.

She got her license and bitches once in a while but I keep it steady and even strain.

I take it one day at a time.

Why did she get it? Well suppose I leave a gun in one of our vehicles and she gets stopped without a permit? Felon.

Not happening. Her Marine core values will kick in and she will function properly with either shotgun or handgun if that time comes.

The way things are degrading around us in our area that day may be nearer than we would like it to be.

[downtownv]

I made my decision, took my courses and kept my wife informed. She's not crazy about it but certainly understands it. She's street smart and knows when there's a potential threat around her. Living in New Jermany, however eliminates her 2A rights. Pepper spray is all she can carry. I on the other hand travel nationally, into unknown areas, PREPARED.

[JerryM]

Originally Posted by master gunner

He’s a marriage counselor trying to drum up business.

Nope, I just attempt to do it the way God said to do it. After 58 years I have found that it really works.
Some of these type threads have posts that say something like "My ex ...."

My wife and I both put the other first. Each of you is free to do as you will, and I hope you do not have to say, "my ex" in the future.
But if your life is built around yourself, and your guns you might just have an "ex." A gun will not help you walk through the dark valleys of life, but a loving spouse will.

I guess I have said what I want to. If anyone wants to explore what is God's way shoot me a PM if you desire.
Jerry

[downtownv]

Amen Brother!

[monadh]

"Nope, I just attempt to do it the way God said to do it."

I have understood what you were saying all along, and while I agree with the overall goal of the lifelong marriage as do you, I do not agree that requires me to submit all of my decisions for my wife's approval. There is nothing in the Bible that tells us to do so, and in fact the Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Paul goes on to say that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, but oddly enough, I never see where the Lord has submitted any of His decisions for the church's approval.

Part of me believes this line of discussion here would not be fruitful, as the possibility for somone to go "Church Lady" on others would simply be disruptive. On the other hand, the OP was essentially asking how the decision to carry affected your relationship if your spouse did not agree, and this might be a fair part of the question. But, no one knows all of the facts surrounding someone else's decision to carry when faced with a spouse who does not support that decision for whatever reason.

For myself, my conscience is clear before God on the decision, and I have seen nothing in Scripture that has caused me to second guess it.

[JerryM]

Originally Posted by monadh

"Nope, I just attempt to do it the way God said to do it."

I have understood what you were saying all along, and while I agree with the overall goal of the lifelong marriage as do you, I do not agree that requires me to submit all of my decisions for my wife's approval. There is nothing in the Bible that tells us to do so, and in fact the Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Paul goes on to say that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, but oddly enough, I never see where the Lord has submitted any of His decisions for the church's approval.

Part of me believes this line of discussion here would not be fruitful, as the possibility for somone to go "Church Lady" on others would simply be disruptive. On the other hand, the OP was essentially asking how the decision to carry affected your relationship if your spouse did not agree, and this might be a fair part of the question. But, no one knows all of the facts surrounding someone else's decision to carry when faced with a spouse who does not support that decision for whatever reason.

For myself, my conscience is clear before God on the decision, and I have seen nothing in Scripture that has caused me to second guess it.

Feel free to PM me if you wish to discuss it.
[I do not agree that requires me to submit all of my decisions for my wife's approval.] I do not agree with that either, and did not even hint at such.

BTW, when I said to shoot me a PM, the "shoot me" was not to be taken literally.

Jerry

[Southern6er]

Originally Posted by Bucky the Beagle

exactamundo. My wife is onboard, but if she wasn't, and I absolutely thought I needed to carry, I would carry in defiance of her wishes long before I would carry without her knowledge.

Good point. Objections can be discussed. Hiding things lead to suspicion and lack of trust. Lack of trust leads to even more problems.

[ewetstone]

I think we can all agree (with a few exceptions) that its important to respect your wifes concerns else she might not care too much about other things you may want. Joking aside...I think one of the best ways is to get her involved. I have noticed that once a woman actualy gets a gun in her hand and tries shooting she wants to continue.

[Southern6er]

My wife came from a family where her mom had a less-than-legally obtained (I think) revolver whose serial number seemed to be 'very hard to find'. Given that her mom is nuttier than a fruitcake (that's saying something for somebody who lived in California!), I can see why she has an aversion to a tool that pretty much has one sole purpose - to dispose of another human. (that's per her words, not mine).

Having said that, my wife bought me my first pistol, a 1911, because of the safety features it has. For target shooting, she gets that I enjoy it, but wants NO part of it. I got my state CCW and have carried on occasion. That hacked her a bit as we were in 'the nice part of town'. My argument about bad guys going where the nice stuff is, didn't really hold water with her - again that emotion over logic as mentioned previously.

A few things have changed her attitude a bit:
1. School shooting at the university she, our daughter, and I were attending.
2. Disappearances along the Appalachain Trail - we want to do a backcountry hike soon.
3. April's tornadoes last year that had us without power for 5 days.

When we discuss hiking, she asks, or more accurately confirms, that I'll be carrying. Yep. I carry when we do local hikes too to get used to the weight and such while on long hikes. She's not a huge fan of it, but I think understands. On our last hike, we could hear rifle reports a distance away, but it definitely raised my SA levels from yellow to a dark orange.

I'm wanting to carry all the time, but she still has issue with that. When I'm not carrying my 1911, I do have other means on me, but those require closer in contact than I want. She understands the hiking part - remoteness, distance for help, etc, and just hasn't made the connection that time, distance, location are a factor in daily settings too.

I'm working on it, but trying to tread lightly so that I don't upset the apple cart. I love my wife and my family and will protect them as best I can. But in the process, if I alienate her, it bodes for a LOT of misery for both of us.

It's a work in progress...

[higgy1911]

Originally Posted by JerryM

Nope, I just attempt to do it the way God said to do it. After 58 years I have found that it really works.
Some of these type threads have posts that say something like "My ex ...."

My wife and I both put the other first. Each of you is free to do as you will, and I hope you do not have to say, "my ex" in the future.
But if your life is built around yourself, and your guns you might just have an "ex." A gun will not help you walk through the dark valleys of life, but a loving spouse will.

I guess I have said what I want to. If anyone wants to explore what is God's way shoot me a PM if you desire.
Jerry

Hehe , actually a gun will help you very much on a walk through the dark valley's of life, and is pretty much its primary reason for existing.
I take your point, and mean to point out only in levity that a loving spouse will be of little use in a dark valley if said valley is filled with sociopathic maniacs who will kill you for your spare change. Unless said lovng spouse is armed and ready for a fight as well.

Im reminded of that old saying, yea as i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I carry the baddest pistol in the valley.

[CountryUgly]

Originally Posted by master gunner

Get a new wife.

+1 Worked for me. I traded an eeewwww guns woman for an ooohhhhh ahhhh guns woman.

Good tip Gunner....

[ehparis]

Originally Posted by jerrym

keeping secrets from a wife is one of the poorest things you can do if you want a true lifetime loving marriage.
Jerry

+1

[mark1174]

My wife is not anti-gun, nor is she interested in them. She is "surprised" that I would want to carry anytime it is legally permissible. But that's as far as her resistance goes. When she was a kid, she was involved in NRA-sponsored shoots. But she screwed up on a family outing and almost put out her sister's eye with a BB gun. Understandably, it freaked her out. She knows how to shoot my guns, but wants no part of them.
Rationally, she understands "better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it" but she still doesn't want to carry or get more involved with firearms.

[USMM guy]

Originally Posted by JerryM

Keeping secrets from a wife is one of the poorest things you can do if you want a true lifetime loving marriage.
Jerry

Some people just do not get it.